Half awake

I went to bed for the second time after I systemized my brain that I'm really gonna sleep this time. right before I close my eyes , it noticed Heath ledger 's photo that I attached it to the wall beside my bed
I stared at him and his eyes blinked . many questions were in my mind now .
Why I hate small talk ? Why I create worlds in my head and live in them more than I do in the real world ? Why I claim that I love philosophy then I hate a question like What is existence ?
at this point I was half asleep , I don't know what happened but I was back again full awake . questions went on , why he smiles when he look that sad ? Why do I have that picture in my room when I'm not a huge fan of him ? Why am I thinking of publishing this on my blog ?