an unedited ,a completely random post :

I haven't written  for a while , well it's a very very long while . I don't know why but i am sure that something is wrong. i don't feel right maybe because i no longer spends much time alone. i love and i used to spend time by myself and it really made me feel great . now i feel that life is too fast for me, like if i can't cope with it any more. time passes and i don't even notice. when i had a job ( i quit my job a month ago because i got bored ) . my day went like this  wake up , go to work , eat , face book , TV , more eating , sleep . without the job , you could just delete the ( go to work ) part . that's it , no more no less. for nearly 3 months i have been doing nothing , no reading , no writing, no sudoku besides i am gaining weight . it's like  i have no desire to do or learn anything new , it's kind of losing motivation only living by the basics, like if I don't mind to die today, but still believe that life is beautiful so i decided to change all this.
 i will write something and post it here every day .
 i will read every day ( actually i have just started reading twenty love poems and a song of despair written by pablo neruda ) .
i will play sudoku and mahjong titans every day .
i will learn a new word in Italian every day
i will learn to do something new with paper ( the origami thing ) every day .and at last but not least , I am going on a diet and i will find some time to spend by myself and I will try to get out more . I really hope this would work for me , i hope it would make me feel better .

Embarrassed

Let's just say that today was one of those days when I really really really wanted to shoot myself with a Mac10 , burn my body and blow the ashes in the air .

the list

you know that feeling when you are so deppresed , you have very low self esteem , no self confidence ? you start to wonder about your part in life and what you should be doing , you start to think about the successful people you know and how miserable your life is . to get out of this mode you need to remind your self how great you are , how many things you have that makes you special so just grab a piece of paper and a pen and start to write the things you think you are good at , the things you love about your self , things people told you they like it about you . make a list of all these things , wether it was your nice hair or your smile or how funny you are , your ability to do something , any thing that gives you a closer positive look to your self . when ever you feel sad or going through a low self esteem phase , just look at the list you made , I 'm sure it will makes you feel better .