an unedited ,a completely random post :

I haven't written  for a while , well it's a very very long while . I don't know why but i am sure that something is wrong. i don't feel right maybe because i no longer spends much time alone. i love and i used to spend time by myself and it really made me feel great . now i feel that life is too fast for me, like if i can't cope with it any more. time passes and i don't even notice. when i had a job ( i quit my job a month ago because i got bored ) . my day went like this  wake up , go to work , eat , face book , TV , more eating , sleep . without the job , you could just delete the ( go to work ) part . that's it , no more no less. for nearly 3 months i have been doing nothing , no reading , no writing, no sudoku besides i am gaining weight . it's like  i have no desire to do or learn anything new , it's kind of losing motivation only living by the basics, like if I don't mind to die today, but still believe that life is beautiful so i decided to change all this.
 i will write something and post it here every day .
 i will read every day ( actually i have just started reading twenty love poems and a song of despair written by pablo neruda ) .
i will play sudoku and mahjong titans every day .
i will learn a new word in Italian every day
i will learn to do something new with paper ( the origami thing ) every day .and at last but not least , I am going on a diet and i will find some time to spend by myself and I will try to get out more . I really hope this would work for me , i hope it would make me feel better .

creativity is healing

I don't get the inspiration to write unless I am sad . i haven't written for a long time  , this is a good thing , right ?
It's like that to be an artist is to suffer . it's when you are really down , you start to look for something to use to express yourself , to let all these feelings out ,  to find yourself a way out of this suffering ,then the magic happens and you just get burst into a wave of creativity and you come up with something original . it's yours , you made it . this makes you feel very powerful and then you find yourself coming out of that gloomy state and the world just get brighter .
creativity actually is a an action of healing .

mini mini poem

hours are too long
you are so far away
my heart misses you
love stinks any way

I love ...........

Quiet mornings
Noon naps
The smell of rain
Midnight snacks
My warm blanket in winter
Muffins
Poetry and Movies
Waking up to find out I can sleep more
Starry nights
Procrastination
The cold side of the pillow
Teddy bears
Cotton candy
the fifties music
Long walks by myself
Daydreaming
Sweet surprises
Perfumes and candles

I made this one myself :

denial painted

Eyes and tears painted red
a letter in a hand
unread
Doubts and pain painted black
Fear too painted blue
a message unread in a wooden box
left there to become dust
a thousand wishes were wished to be true
not everything you want
comes to you .

an unsent letter to you my love :

dear love
dearest love
my love :
                   Do you know how much I love you, how many times aday I think of you ?
every time I talk , walk , work or eat . you are always there . you are the first thought think of when I wake and the last thought in my head when I sleep , even my dreams , you occupied them all .
Do you know how much I miss you  , how much I long for you ?
I wish if I could lock you in my heart. call me possessive , I don't care .
I want you to be mine forever , we can't be separated, you are a part of me now. I can't live without you , maybe I can but what kind of life would that be ? I know I would become numb with nothing to feel , I would never be happy , I would never be the same . my heart would be deeply wounded and even if it healed , it would leave a scar . a scar that time can't erase , a scar engraved on my soul .
I pray we always remain together , till death do us apart .
                                                                                            

                                                                                            yours, the always faithful .
                                                                                                                                      

If I could go back in time

Regret is something new to me . I can't remember that I've ever regretted doing anything before, even if it had bad consequences , I took responsibility for it . the damage was only to me and no one got hurt , but now I know regret and it's awful especially when it concerns someone and not just anyone  , someone you love , someone you never wanted to hurt . maybe regret is new to me because love is new to me .